After surviving a decade of addiction, Koko Ta’ase never imagined he’d find a path to healing and purpose. Now, Koko is a proud member of the Central City Concern team, where he empowers others on their own recovery journeys. This is his story — in his own words.
My name is Koko Ta’ase. I’m from a family of seven, and we migrated to San Diego from Samoa when I was 10 years old. Coming from a tiny island to this huge country was a big culture shock. New language, new schools, new people. I wanted to feel like I belonged, but I got mixed up in the wrong crowd. I was in the party scene, and before I knew it, I was a full-blown meth addict. I lived to use and used to live, and I’ve done some things I’m not proud of.
Тhe thing that is very important to understand about addiction is that once drugs and alcohol get a hold of you, you’re done. It takes a lot of work to get back to a place where you can start functioning on your own. You have to come to that realization on your own. After a decade, that moment finally happened for me.
Under the Avocado Tree
I still remember the day that I was sitting under an avocado tree next to the freeway. It was a moment where I knew I had to either reevaluate my life or see if I could cross the freeway without getting hit. I was in a place where it didn’t matter how much meth I smoked or how much alcohol I was drinking, it just was not working anymore.
I thought about my family. Watching my parents see me struggle, watching my siblings starting to distance themselves, watching my friends starting to leave. At the time, I was putting drugs before my son. I missed out on his whole first year. So instead of making a change and dealing with the guilt and shame, I just wanted to die. I attempted suicide, and it was right then and there that I realized that I needed help.
A Journey Towards Recovery
The first phone call after that failed attempt was to the suicide hotline. I was in mental health facilities for a week. I still remember how good it felt to not have any alcohol or drugs in my system.
I needed help to keep myself on track, so I called my best friend up here in Portland. He was sober and said that he was in a recovery program at Central City Concern. Three days later, I was standing in front of Hooper Detox Center waiting to get checked in.
Hooper was a blur. I slept a lot, and the only times I woke up were to eat, shower, take my meds, and check my vitals. I remember a good friend of mine who was a mentor in the program coming in and talking to me. He asked me if I had kids or a girlfriend or a job, and I remember telling him that I needed to put all that aside. What I needed to do right then was to figure out how to stay off drugs and alcohol. A few days later, he helped me enroll in the Recovery Mentor Program at Old Town Recovery Clinic. I will forever be grateful to that man.
In the Recovery Mentor Program, I lived in transitional housing and had access to support from other folks in early recovery and those who had gone through the program before us. Fast forward a little bit, и I graduated от Recovery Mentor program on April 10, 2020. A week later, I graduated from thе Community Volunteer Corps program after completing 80 hours of community service. I was offered permanent housing и had a few jobs right after that where I learned that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. And so I did.
I spoke to a good friend who is a program manager for Community Volunteer Corps, and he wanted me to come work for him. That was my first job here at Central City Concern, as a Community Volunteer Corps Program Liaison. Today, I am working as a Safety and Security Liaison with our Risk Management team.
Coming Full Circle
It’s an incredible feeling to have this full circle experience, paying it forward. I was a client, a patient, a resident, and now an employee. The thing I’ve learned about this work is that you’ve got to have a strong heart to do what we do here. You have to be able to meet people where they’re at and walk alongside them because a lot of us aren’t ready for a change yet. To see the look on somebody’s face when they’re ready, that’s the best feeling ever.
So, I’m forever grateful that I failed that suicide attempt years ago. My clean date is November 7th, 2019. That date is more important than my own birthday because that’s the day I admitted I needed to make a change. If I were to travel back in time to that date and speak to that person, I would tell him that it’s going to be okay. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be vulnerable. Just don’t get loaded, and you’re going to be just fine. That person five years ago would be proud of the person I am now.
Today, I’m able to tell my story without any shame, without holding back. I’m able to share this and hope somebody will see this one day and say, “man, if he can do it, I can do it.”
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